we went in for our 20 week ultrasound, to make sure the baby was healthy and also to find out the sex. to our pleasant surprise, we are having a boy! we couldn't be happier about this news, coltrane gets to be a big brother to a little boy and teach him all the cool stuff he knows. not to mention (hopefully) less drama and a lot less clothes to buy! not to say that we wouldn't have been happy with a girl. just slightly relieved to be having a boy.
as we were having the ultrasound, it occurred to me that even though it's fun to find out the sex of the baby, to see him wiggling around in my belly and to see his little face for the first time, it's a little scary too. as i was laying there watching my son on the screen, i remembered that we're looking for problems, too. that he might not be ok. we were told that i may have placenta previa, which is when the placenta is low and the cervix is covering it. i know that this is usually not a big deal, but we were sent into a room with a dr. to discuss and wait for our dvd of the ultrasound.
then came the bad news. the dr. came in and told us that he is not worried at all about the placenta, BUT there seemed to be a problem with fluid in his brain or brain stem. uh, WHAT?! so, this was not explained well to us at all. we ended up being pretty confused, just knowing that we heard the words "fatal", "downs" and some others that didn't sound too good. we were given a scary pamphlet about testing and trisomy 21. but, of course, "probably nothing to worry about". yeah right. we went downstairs for a quad-screen blood test, which we are still awaiting results on today. hopefully we'll get this information on monday, during our next appointment. the next test to schedule was a higher resolution ultrasound that would tell us more about what is going on in this little guy's brain. we were able to get in first thing this morning at the "high risk" fetal medicine clinic at evergreen. these people are so sweet, calm, honest, knowledgeable...i can't say enough good things about them. we felt so comfortable, so at peace. can't explain it, other than that God grants us peace beyond our understanding and that's just what he did. we should have been freaking out, but we weren't. our tech told us that she wouldn't be able to tell us everything, that a dr. would be coming in afterward to give us our results/explanation of findings. ok. we get that. but, she really explained everything she saw to us. i loved her.
our baby has a dark mass in his brain, a fluid cyst that is a part of the "protective layer" of the brain. didn't really get what that meant exactly, but i had heard of these kinds of cysts in the brain before (while reading tons and tons of mostly useless information on the internet the night we heard the news) and that they usually go away during pregnancy. so, already feeling some hope, not really fear at all. we finished up and the dr. came in to give us her analysis of what we saw.
this "protective layer" of the brain, where the cyst is, does not have any cognitive function, does not affect development. this part of the brain is like a sponge that filters fluid and the cyst is just an over-sized "hole" in the sponge. it will shrink as the baby grows and become just like the rest of the "holes". this is actually fairly common and it is also very common not to give follow up u/s to check. they always disappear. PRAISE JESUS. she also said that he looks "fabulous" and every part of him just perfect, other than this small issue. so, next steps are to see how our quad-screen comes back and if there is anything there, which we're really not concerned about at this point, then, we will deal with it. but, this cyst has nothing to do with any chromosomal abnormalities that could cause down's or other problems. oh, and the previa basically went away over the last couple of days as well.
so for now, we are off the roller-coaster!
i feel so many things about the last few days. disappointed that i didn't get my sweet day to see my son and just enjoy that. but, then today was better than that sweet day ever could have been. i can't even explain how overjoyed i am, how relieved, how in awe of the miracle that we have been given. in awe of our Father, who, in all things gives us peace. we would have loved our son just as much if he had downs. we would have loved him just as much if he was sent home to be with our Lord. and we would have loved our Lord just as much if he had taken him. it would be hard, but we aren't promised these blessings. we aren't promised these little ones to be healthy or even their existence at all. i'm just so thankful, i have a Father in heaven that I could cling to these last few days. that i could talk to at every turn of that roller-coaster. that I have a Father to thank for this news we received today. and that He would have brought me through whatever that news could have been. i'm glad i got to understand this more fully, even though it comes at the cost of scary news sometimes. He is good. and i'm so glad to know Him.
thank you all for your prayers. for praying for this little guy over the phone with me, for home-made cinnamon rolls, for sweet emails, texts and notes. for encouragement and scripture. i can't even express how grateful i am for the amazing friends and community we have around us. it really shows the beauty of God's purpose for us IN ALL THINGS. even when it's hard, there is so much good in it.
so, without much ado...here is our little miracle man.
his name is davis.
Praising the Lord with you! Hi, Davis, the Lord has given you an amazing Mama and family!
I am so relieved to hear the good news, I was praying for you to have peace and that the MD's would be able to make everything clear to you...and of course... that Davis would be a healthy bundle of joy, who just had a 'bad picture day". Thank you God!
Love you Kim!!
I love little Davis!
I'm so happy for you guys! I can't wait to miss little Davis and celebrate more with you. Thanks for the sincere insight into your heart as you clung to God through all this. Happy 4 years of marriage and counting...
Man, I'm crying! Loved the post and look forward to more encouraging words. That was definitely a roller coaster, but the Lord will see you through. God is good, that is something we know for sure. Other than that, we just have to have faith. God bless you and your family.
i love seeing your heart in this post...you have a sweet spirit and an inspirational attitude.
i am so thankful that this post had a happy ending and that Davis is doing just fine.
blessings to you and your family.